The Fall
Can individuals truly undergo transformative change, and what catalyses such transformations? I find myself contemplating the prospect of reshaping my connections and habits, aspiring towards healthier bonds. Is change attainable through overcoming fear, nurturing hope, or exercising discipline?
Dear Blue,
Some argue that transformation is only possible in novels, but I believe this is a fundamental lie.
Falling in love is the clearest counterargument to this misconception. Falling in love is a moment that sharply divides us into a before and an after, the clearest evidence of radical change.
When a woman, akin to an angel, grabs me by the heart and teaches me the beautiful madness of tenderness, something deep inside me is touched, and I by nature change.
When time slips through your fingers, when love kills time, when you wildly dance the whole night through and suddenly find silence in a passionate embrace. You change. Love, so quick as a bullet, is the fastest way to refresh oneself. Love is a bullet from heaven.
But sometimes the process of transformation is much more painful. Change is then created by the raw mechanism of suffering. Because in change there is always an element or an act of falling, falling into another unknown world. It's as if you were standing bare footed and shaved hair under an opening sky, a sky opening like a mouth or a wound. You raise your eyes to heaven, and then fall into the opaque blackness. This descent can inflict profound pain, steeped in radical homesickness, melancholic symptoms that attack you with a terrifying intensity.
This dynamic is the same when you break deep and inner ties with someone. The chain of daily connection/gesture collapses and the monsters of absurdity, hope and death begin their sinister dialogue with you. These broken pieces, these shards, will sting and wound.
You find yourself as an stranger in a deaf world, a moment of disconnection from everyone and everything. Disconnection in itself is not the real problem; in fact, I believe the soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone. But when disconnection becomes insensitivity, then there is a problem. When the heart closes to the world, completely banished from the world, you become "worldless," then there is a real problem. In the worldless silence of our heart, things become unbearable.
So, Blue, after severing deep ties, days can become very bright, steeped in pain: Take refuge in solitude perhaps, but not in isolation. Try to stay with open eyes, with a gaze full of wonder for the world. If you do this, there will surely come a moment when even the pain withers and you realize that what was once lost can never be broken again. Fall with your eyes open.
Love,
Coma